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“First and foremost, self-love, and then give love away.” - Katy Perry
The link below directs you to the presentation used for the “Having Healthy Relationships” workshop that took place on July 28th, 2022. In brief, the workshop discussed the topic of forming a good support system and the benefits of being around those who care for you. For a more detailed transcript of the presentation, continue scrolling down.
In the previous workshop, I discussed the six different types of self-care. In this presentation, I will focus on social self-care which involves connecting with other people and deepening your already existing relationships. Practicing social self-care means being mindful of your connections while preventing social exhaustion and creating healthy boundaries.
Relationships grow out of interactions in all areas of life. Because relationships involve people who come from different backgrounds, perspectives, and values, they are complex and can either be a source of satisfaction or pain. When I talk about having healthy relationships, I mean having a good support system. A support system consists of three types of social connections: intimate, relational, and collective.
Intimate connections are ones that are made with people who love and care for you, such as your family and friends. Relational connections are relationships with people you see regularly and share interests with. This can be your coworkers, acquaintances, or classmates. Lastly, collective connections are with people who share a group affiliation with you, like being in the same political party or having the same religious belief. Oftentimes, these connections can overlap. For instance, you might have a coworker who is also in the same political party.
<aside> 💡 Do you have all or some of these meaningful connections in your life? Throughout this presentation, you might want to consider if you want to make new friendships or strengthen your existing relationships.
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Communicate effectively
Healthy relationships are often based on open, honest communication. Take the time to be there and genuinely listen to the other person. Talk and share your thoughts and feelings. Actively talking and listening can help prevent conflict. However, if an argument does occur, problem solve and work things through together. An important part of talking is creating boundaries. Boundaries honor people’s needs, goals, feelings, and values. Healthy boundaries help to protect and respect you. This is to avoid misunderstandings and assumptions. In contrast, unhealthy boundaries seek to control or harm someone else.
One way to create healthy boundaries is using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “you never help me in the kitchen,” say “I don’t like it when you don’t clean up your dishes.” The difference is that “you” statements are accusatory while “I” statements address your feelings and the cause of those feelings. Other ways to set boundaries include saying no to others, notifying other people that you feel uncomfortable, and recognizing when you want to be alone.
Respect boundaries and limits
After creating boundaries with other people, make sure to respect them. Acknowledge and understand expectations. Boundaries are about expressing yourself clearly, asking for what you need, and telling other people that you might not be able to meet their needs. Know your own limits and respect that of others, even if they differ from yours. It is especially important to know that every person has the right to change their mind about what their boundaries are at any time. Treat others how you want to be treated!
Know when a relationship is not working for you
You always want to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. Review your relationships to be more aware of the people you enjoy being around and the people who make you feel drained. Some relationships frustrate us, some make us happy, and others challenge us. That is why you should look out for red flags and signs of toxicity. When you feel that you can no longer trust a certain person and they constantly make you feel worse about yourself, your relationship is most likely toxic. You can try to improve the relationship by communicating and being direct, but if nothing changes, you have the right to end the toxic relationship. Do not blame yourself if you have to cut someone out!